Professor Hemorrhoid has never ventured into ranked gameplay in Age of Empires II. The US American player Professor Hemorrhoid has 2285 Age of Empires II matches on record. Professor Hemorrhoid combines the pocket role (65.8% win rate) with a preference for Celts.

Professor Hemorrhoid mainly plays unranked, wins most with Goths (77.4%), and performs best on Black Forest (66.9%).